February 2012
4 posts
malitiosi asked: I always hope you're okay.
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This unhappiness sticks like honey and, no matter how many songwriters, philosophers or therapists I listen to, it might just be like this eternally.
January 2012
7 posts
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I’ve been accepted into my film course; officially enrolled as a film student!
white breaths escape me as small wisps airborne dancing swiftly soon disappearing.
emptying me through its’ amber and ash i give it my life.
and in return it gives me my death.
two for all all for two.
Strong winds and heavy rain have proven to be finer company than any human being.
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What are some documentaries you would recommend?
December 2011
4 posts
A genuine pain grows inside me when I witness another person in such a state of misery and complete sadness. My head aches when they are so quiet and so despondent. I feel as if a hidden responsibility wakes up from hibernation and tells me that this is not right. The world suddenly turns completely out of its’ working balance. But when it’s me in that state; coddled by anxiety,...
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playlist #1 withdraw, release white light-white heat by the velvet underground judy is a punk by the ramones this charming man by the smiths shu ba du ba loo ba by serge gainsbourg everybody knows by leonard cohen waiting for the miracle by leonard cohen misirlou by dick dale DNA by the kills rock ‘n’ roll to the rescue by the beach boys marilu by serge gainsbourg lonesome cowboy...
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“For most of us, there is only the unattended
Moment, the moment in and out of...”
– T. S. Eliot, from “The Dry Salvages” in The Four Quartets
November 2011
7 posts
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Leonard Cohen: Everything keeps on going or it stops. I mean... you know when you're happy. There's been so much talk about the mechanics of happiness; psychiatry and pills and positive thinking and ideology. But I really think that the mechanism is there. All you have to do is get quiet for a moment or two, and you know where you are...
Interviewer: And for this knowing where you are, you don't need the help of anything like drugs or liquor or anything?
Leonard Cohen: Well... It's not a matter of the help. I mean, you can co-operate with the vision that alcohol gives to you. You can co-operate with the vision that LSD gives you. I mean, all those things are just made out of plants and they're there for us and I think we ought to use them. But also, there's another kind of high to get from refusing to use them. You know, there's all kinds of possibilities. Asceticism is a nice high too. Voluptuousness is a high. Alcohol is a high. I mean, the town gets beautiful under alcohol. I get kind of stupid and generally throw up. But some people get really beautiful with alcohol.
Interviewer: Do you see things in terms of highs and lows or is this just an appeal to sensation?
Leonard Cohen: Well... It's not just a matter of sensation. What I mean by high is not a manic phase of swinging nothing down buildings and laughing hysterically. I mean that you're situated somehow. There's a nice balance. That you're in the centre of your own orbit. Or as Dylan said, you fade into your own parade.
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“I reject life because it is a prison sentence, I reject dreams as being a vulgar...”
– Fernando Pessoa
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my girl temptations
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contemplation is poison, destroying my peace of mind bathing in streams of doubt, the bleak and the sorrow; lethal once intertwined
every thought is destructive, every memory; a burden how to forbid these qualms from plaguing all senses, is yet uncertain
the illusion of utopia; what everything could be reclining into a sky diaphanous, made of clean, incandescent ivory
to ache or to chase, to...
October 2011
4 posts
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i’ll be your mirror the velvet underground...
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September 2011
9 posts
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The idea of prizing sociability disturbs me. There is a profound difficulty to the idea of feeding people the words and the actions that they seek to hear and see. I’ve accustomed myself to reacting with an indifferent energy when I am obligated to converse with others. The aggression, hostility and the constant frustration isn’t caused by the people; but it is my natural reaction....
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“Your life on earth will be, as always, the interval between two significant...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, from The Beautiful and Damned, 1922
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all tomorrow’s parties the velvet...
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“My body had no more feeling than a drowned corpse. My very existence, my life in...”
– Haruki Murakami
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August 2011
12 posts
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i get around the beach boys
The problem is not the feeling anymore. It’s not the emptiness inside or the continuous irritation I have both with myself and my surroundings. It isn’t the weariness I feel when I wake up or the jovial wishes of death when I go to bed. It is the fact that I have lost the light, the sense of direction. Misplaced by self-betrayal, I have left myself lying here, hopeless and weak....
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http://umude.tumblr.com →
Born in a state of longing, I yearn to feel alive. The people who surround me are nothing but contrived. These scribbled thoughts inside my mind, I’m unable to contain. Contention with expression forces everything with pain. I lack of will and liveliness, the cage has stretched too thin. To fix myself I must obtain that wisdom from within. But the search for it is useless and, again, I shall...
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I’d rather define myself as an unhuman becoming than a human being. A more pertinent and honest definition. I must posit myself only as I really am: lonely, deflated and incessantly confused by all happenings, habits and humans.
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moonlight sonata 1st movement beethoven
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July 2011
28 posts
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I have created this illusion for myself that doing nothing but read books, watch films and listen to music can be classified as living. Maybe I’m just a lost, young girl trapped in this illusion of fear and laziness. Maybe I’m a hollow body filled with nothing but aimless thoughts and worries flying around. Maybe I am just human.